The brutal truth is we all can die at any moment, so we should appreciate our lives and everyone in it. Ending a relationship with someone is similar to a death because its the end of a connection just think of the instances when your life changes. Have you moved away from friends and family? Did you start a new school? Did you start a new job? These are all examples of new beginnings that cause relationships to fade away.
How many people do you stay connected with?
It takes a significant amount of energy to sustain emotional connections while confronting the demands of adulthood. At the end of the day, I was finding myself drained from trying to maintain some form of a connection.
All relationships go through phases and when a relationship is ending some folks call this the termination stage. Its time to say “good-bye”.
Some folks said “good-bye” a long time ago and now it was my turn to release any feelings of anger, regret, guilt, etc. I had to pull on my mental strength and allow the death of the relationship to occur. So instead of pulling away from the emotional discomfort, I started to face it. I accept my feelings with open arms and allow myself to grieve the loss that has occurred.
We sometimes don’t have the ability to decide how a relationship ends. It’s possible that some people simply stop showing up, move away, change their contact information or simply fade away. There is no right or wrong way to feel about relationships that have ended.
Here are some tips to assist you with getting through the end of a relationship;
- Take your time:
Be patient with yourself. The wound takes time to heal. Give yourself time. Engage with people that make you smile and are affectionate with their love. We can be very vulnerable during this stage so beware and do not rush into other relationships too quickly.
- Understand why you need to say goodbye
It’s easy to get caught up in memory lane. Remember those who have left your life don’t necessarily share the same memories. You may think of all the good things that once existed but others may be focusing on the unpleasant things and it’s their right to do that. You have no control over their thoughts. Allow yourself the freedom of moving forward. Are you ready?
- Focus on staying away from the person or persons:
No texting, emailing or calling. Control your emotions. Stay focused, keep reminding yourself why the relationship has ended and why you deserve to move on. Do not indulge in past memories. Avoid living in self-pity.
Forgiveness is not natural. It takes practice and patience but you must start the process. The saying “forgive and forget” doesn’t always work. Don’t spend too much time on trying to forget, put more energy on being forgiving. You will see that eventually you not only forget but you form new relationships that are better than before. Also forgiving yourself becomes easier.
- Embrace the new life that is coming your way
As I sat in a quiet place, I saw visions of my husband, children, sister and friends and we were giving each other high-fives for absolutely no reason. I knew that I was seeing a future filled with love and commitment. I knew it was time to say farewell to broken relationships and sink my love into people and things that were receptive and will give back the energy that was needed.
Love has the power to make you selfish or selfless. Choose the one that works for you. Open your arms to feel and expect love. After all, you are the gift that cannot be compared to anyone else.
Keep it moving for 2020!