It’s a common myth that we are designed to think of others when we often only think of ourselves.  Am I being negative, no I am being observant?  Think about it we say we love a lot of things but do we truly love it or do we love how that thing makes us feel? So then why are we now moving away from thinking of ourselves and now we are consumed by what other people think of us?

We take selfies and post not because we like the way we look but because we want other people to like it so we post meaningless pictures just to get a high and we seek other peoples’ approval. We are unhappy because we are relying on others to make us feel better instead of just depending on ourselves.

I am not concerned with what other people think of you, I am only concerned with what you think of you.  While I was speaking at a seminar I was approached by some women who told me they don’t get along with other women and they prefer to have male friends.   That’s not a new statement, I’ve heard it all before. I asked the ladies to briefly tell me about themselves and there was dead silence.

Wait a minute! they were so eager to tell me about other people and who they prefer to be around but they couldn’t tell me anything about themselves.  Learning to deal with others becomes easier when we learn how to handle ourselves.

Before you evaluate your relationship with others, evaluate your feelings for yourself.  What do you say to yourself?  What do you think about yourself?  What does your sub-conscious mind say? Before you answer these questions, I don’t want the socially correct answers, I want your sub-conscious mind to move forward and give me a straight answer.  What do I mean?  Let’s talk about the mind.

There are 3 sections to our mind.  There is the unconscious, subconscious & conscious.  The unconscious mind constantly communicates with the conscious mind via the subconscious mind it provides our true feelings, emotions, imaginations, dreams etc.

The conscious mind has the power to direct your focus and it can imagine things that are not real.  Your subconscious has a strong sense of awareness it will take orders from the conscious mind so if you continually say negative things to yourself your subconscious mind will be obedient and will deliver those feelings, emotions and memories to the forefront.  So if you continually say negative things, negativity will become your reality.

Here are some tips to help you connect with yourself;

  • Read something positive daily.  That sounds easy, right?  but how often do we do this?  the bad news is on the front pages of most newspapers and if you scroll through Facebook shares you see a lot of negative stories.  Search for good new stories and if you find something good share it with your friends and family.
  • No one knows what is best for you so learn to make your own decisions and take full responsibility for them, don’t rely on the opinion of others.  Remember other people’s opinion is based on their perception. It’s your life.  Make it a good one.
  • Pay attention to your needs and be somewhat selfish.  Do not ignore what you need, you need “it” for a reason, what do you need?  what do you want? then love yourself enough to go out and get it.  Being self-serving doesn’t only help you personally it also helps your career.  Lead yourself to happiness.
  • Set aside some time of the day that’s just for you.  For example, I own my mornings, I take the time to connect with myself before I leave the house.  I connect with the higher spirit, I listen to music I enjoy and I do some deep breathing.  It’s my morning routine, I’ve talked about this in a previous blog.
  • Think loving thoughts of yourself.  I know this sounds a little corny but you will be surprised how many of us tear ourselves down with negative thoughts of how we look or feel.  Keep in mind your feelings are valid, how can you better support you?
  • Do physical activity, go for walks, join a gym, take a dance class, feel the energy and appreciate how your body feels at that moment.
  • Explore your spiritual side.  I am not going to suggest a religion for you but I do suggest you connect with a deeper side of you.
  • Go on nature walks.  Find a way to connect with the Earth, try to see somewhere where there are lots of trees. Nature can calm your spirit.

When you are fully connected with your own thoughts and ideas, we can explore the different people who may surround you.  You may discover you like more people than you once thought.

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