Asking the question Why am I here?

Life?  What is the definition?  Life is a continual change preceding death.  Why am I here? Why are you here?  I realized that I needed to answer these questions.  About 4 years ago my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer and the worst experience one can have is watching someone slowly die.

I realize that I started to change because I was watching someone approach the end of life and now life seems so much more important.   I will always remember the look on my mother-in-law face as she looked at her son with great love in her eyes, I spoke to her, all our differences didn’t matter at that moment she just wanted the family, my son wanted to speak with her alone so we gave him the time and he was the last person she spoke to.

Coping with death

When she passed it was a long drive home, no one said anything, no words were needed at that moment.  I called my mother and told her what had happened and she offered words of encouragement, my mom took good care of my mother in law so she was saddened to hear that her life has now passed.

I started to reflect on life. Reading different books was a good thing because I was trying to understand the purpose of life.  Do we just live so we can die?  Seven months later, my grandmother passed away, when I got the news, I wasn’t shocked because I heard she wasn’t feeling well.

I didn’t know my grandmother very well because of family issues, so I called my uncle and I asked him if he thought I should attend the funeral and he said “yes” don’t hold on to what someone has done in the past, let that go and let God handle that” with those words I decided to go and I decided to say a few words from my heart, I didn’t focus on all the negative things my grandmother may have done, I focused on the positive things she brought to my life and I thanked her and I walked away feeling a sense of pride that I didn’t feel before.  I don’t want to ask anyone if I should attend a funeral, I want to do what feels right.  I realize I needed to work on me.

Building self-esteem

Now you are probably wondering what does this have to do with self-esteem?  Let me explain, building self-esteem involves changing your focus.  Now some folks think just presenting themselves as positive will solve all their issues, however simply being positive and not facing truths in your life will have you falling into negative thinking habits again.  I didn’t want to face the consequences of not having a good family but something kept telling me to face my fears and attend the funeral and I am glad I did because it was life changing.

It is important to face the truth. I listened to my grandmother’s eulogy attentively, and started thinking what would be said about me if I was to pass today?  I didn’t like the thoughts in my head so I decided I needed to change the narrative.

Building self-esteem isn’t suppressing negative thoughts, it’s facing them.  Understanding why you feel the way you do, willing to be vulnerable and allow yourself to have those feelings.  I didn’t allow myself to miss the funeral I knew I was going to feel uncomfortable. I started a whole new journey in life.  There isn’t anything I can’t face because I am strong, confident and willing to take on most challenges.  Are you?

Here are some tips to help build your self-esteem:

  • Keep track of your negative thoughts in a book, write them down before you go to sleep, transferring them to a piece a paper actually made me sleep better.
  • When you wake up, tell yourself some good things about yourself, name some good qualities that you are proud of. Sometimes you are surrounded by family and friends that do not give you the support you think you deserve, be your own advocate for YOU. Do this before you get off the bed.
  • Write your eulogy. What do you want people to say about you when you pass away?  Work towards those goals.
  • When I am not feeling beautiful, I look at a naked mole rat and then I compare the animal to the thoughts I have of myself and I realize just how beautiful I am.  Pictures can really help you see the reality of a situation.
  • Spend time with people who love you, don’t give your time to people who make you feel that you are hard to love.  Remember people who do not give love naturally is NOT worth your time.  You are better than that. Keep moving!!!!
  • Focus on your positives,however don’t be delusional face your issues don’t fake it.  Doing this made me realize just how blessed I am.  You will find the same, if you make your strengths be your main focus.
  • Take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to recognize when you are NOT taking care of yourself.  Look your best, don’t make excuses for NOT taking care of yourself.
  • Write in a journal, keep track of your thoughts both positive and negative.

It has taken me years to feel this confident.  It was not an overnight success.  I still have my battles but I face my truths every day because I am worth it.  Are you?  I think so.  Just remember “we are never too old to become better versions of ourselves”

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Check out my blogs on questions for your journals-

Check out this great article with more steps on improving self-esteem

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